Epic reason for losing weight AND how to love my body before it is thin

Hello! I have been listening to the podcast (obsessively) since I found it 2 months ago and joined SCS last week. I watched most of the Stop Overeating Workshop but am still struggling with my “Epic Reason”. I lost 70 pounds 5 years ago. I’ve maintained that loss within 7 pounds but after watching, I’ve realized that I’ve been selling myself short. I weigh about 180 pounds now (I am 5’7″) and have decided what I REALLY want to weigh is 145 (yikes!). I’ve committed to writing my protocol the night before, already don’t drink (5+ years now) and already do a lot of healthy things. I started eliminating snacking a few weeks ago and playing with intermittent fasting.

All this said, today at work I had a big urge to eat. I didn’t but it was scary and hard. I guess I am in that “River of Misery”. I don’t have an epic why around getting to my “really really want to weigh this” number and that’s been so hard. My resting heart rate is 47, my blood pressure is 100/70 and I run half marathons (not as fast as I want, though, and that is important to me). So my “whys” are: to finally do it. to stop judging my body (which I realize I can do now, but I’m struggling with), run faster, wear nice clothes. Well, nicer. Like size 6 instead of size 10.

Can you give me some guidance? Thank you!