Epiphany


I really want to talk to a coach but I already had my 20min session this week! I had an ephiphany today while doing a thought download on the July homework about the events you want to rewrite in your past. I came up with 20 things half of which were about being rejected by boys in my teens and 20s and boyfriends leaving me. The rejection was mostly around hooking up on nights out and then me expecting they’d want a relationship afterwards but they would never want anything more. There were also instances with them breaking up with me for whatever reasons and me then interpreting all of it as not being good enough or worthy. I see I’ve been looking for evidence of this my whole life! No wonder I don’t feel worthy of anything but especially have this fear my husband is secretly cheating on me and will leave. So my question is, do I need to rewrite EVERY situation I can remember where this happened as the July homework suggests for the one per week exercise or can I lump them together? I’ve struggled with my weight on and off since my teens flipping from anorexic/bulimic to overweight up and down and have never kept weight off. Now as I’m doing the urge jar program and am 5kg off my goal weight I’m sabotaging myself and wondering if I’ve associated benign skinny with rejection and being ‘used’ by men as most of these instances were when I was thin. Also burnt into my brain was the most recent time I was very thin for my wedding and on our honeymoon I surprised my husband in sexy lingerie at completely the wrong time (thinking men always want sex and especially on a honeymoon) and he totally wasn’t keen, I felt so rejected and not good enough it consumed me for 4 days! So maybe I think being skinny isn’t a good thing? Also when I talk about my weightloss he says I look good and when I say I’d like to lose another 5kg or so he says ‘don’t lose too much’ which I find odd. So now I’m thinking these are blocks I have to losing the last 5kg. How should I attack these thoughts? Or change them? It seems like there are so many to do individual models… can you suggest some thought for me to try to bust these blocks? Thank you sorry this is so long! I couldn’t wait til Tuesday for my next call