Establishing clear boundaries


My husband and I have some fairly longstanding marital difficulties that we’ve been working through (mostly me via thought work and coaching) for the past year. One thing that has become quite clear to me is that I do not want to any longer have to say “no” repeatedly when I’ve been asked to do something that I don’t want to do — e.g. give him something that I don’t want to give him (e.g. my second computer), move a piece of artwork to a room where he can see it more often (I bought the artwork with my own money and want it to be where I’ve put it and think it looks best). I have a long history of people pleasing, and I know that in the past his repeated asking (for sex, for longer hugs, for me to hang out with him when I have work to do) has worked. But for the past year–since discovering thought work–I’ve been living more authentically and only doing the things that I genuinely want to do. And in the process I’ve discovered that he has this frustrating habit of repeatedly (and I mean repeatedly over weeks, months, however long he does not have the thing he wants) asking for me to do things that I’ve said I don’t want to do. I’ve told him that if he keeps doing that, he can expect a “no” from me every time, and will need to manage his own emotions around that “no.” Is there anything more that I can do? I don’t want to get a divorce as I’ve decided to stay with him for my son and for my own sake during Covid. I’ve essentially decided to revisit the issue in a year, but am giving it my all in the meantime. I do want this to be a reasonably harmonious relationship for all of our sakes.