I have a believe that everybody is ripping me off, and trying to take money from me. It makes me very angry.
C Woman on phone said I could not source my own medication for a lower cost
T All these corrupt establishments are trying to take money from me
A Be snarky with the woman on the phone, get angry inside, complain to my friend, I feel angry for the rest of the night, don’t focus on my work properly, I ruminate about my decision, I try to cheat the system and get angry that I can’t
R I don’t know the result, other than “I am mad, resentful, and I hurt myself by being resentful”.
I’m having a hard time “accepting” this. I do believe that the system is corrupt and I do believe that they’re basically stealing from me for their own gain. I don’t really WANT to accept this, it feels like rolling over and saying ‘no problem, just steal from me’. I know that’s not what acceptance is, but that is what it feels like in this situation. I guess I do have the choice to just not get this medical procedure done, or go somewhere else, so I am choosing to work with this clinic.
I am having a hard time finding another thought that feels true, or that allows me to feel peaceful, NOR do I want to believe that this kind of thing is okay.
Corrupt establishments shouldn’t take money from me –> well, I guess it’s true, they DO take money from me, and they ARE taking money from me. After all, they are corrupt, why wouldn’t they?
I shouldn’t take money from corrupt establishments –> well, I work at a corrupt establishment, and I do take their money.
Well, I guess I live in a world with corrupt establishments that take money from people. That is the truth of the situation. I am choosing to give my money to a corrupt establishment because I am choosing to play a role in this system. I choose to take money from a corrupt establishment, too. Do I like my reasons for any of this? I don’t know. I don’t even know what to do with this.