Ex husband


I’ve been divorced since 2018 and dating since about that time, too. I really, really hate talking about my marriage with the people I’m dating. It’s so embarrassing that I stayed so long in such a bad relationship. I really felt like something would change in my marriage even though it was sexless for the majority of the 8 years we spent together and because we never lived together. I feel a lot of shame and inadequacy when I talk about it with dates.

While I did learn a lot from it, I still get very upset inside when I have to talk about and struggle to maintain as neutral and in control presentation of myself when I talk about it. I’m still very affected by it.

UM
C: Topic of my divorce comes up in conversation with a man I’m on a date with
T: I so hate talking about this
F: Shame
A: Try to present it in the best way possible, worry about being judged, worry that I look like a pushover, wish that my marriage had never happened, hate being in the dating scene again, daydream about my single days twenty years ago before I had all this baggage
R: Hate opening up and sharing things about my life

IM
C: Same
T: I can talk about this and be okay no matter what
F: Calm
A: Talk about it even though it’s hard, breathe through the discomfort, try not to punish for myself for what my brain keeps telling me was a bad decision to stay, let myself mourn when I feel like it, do thought work to make space for something new to come in
R: Feel freer when I date

The second model feels better, but I still feel twingy and twisty in my body and would like to feel more calm. Having trouble finding the right thought to get me there.