Exhausted by pain and self pity

I’m so tired.
I’m a Diamond, I’m a coach. I’ve been through more than a decade of therapy. I’m taking an SSRI. I’ve read all the books. I meditate. I’ve been processing my emotions for years. I’ve been building up my emotional boundaries for years because I’m so sensitive. And I am so sad and so tired and so sick of being so sad so much of the time. I don’t want to be told that I need to make peace with my emotions or my almost constant sadness and pain.
I’m exhausted by feeling so much self pity for my pain/self pity in general. I hate it.