I am noticing it really bothers me when someone “expects” me to do something or is pushy (in my perception anyway), when I’ve already done or said what I feel is reasonable. Can you help me crack the code on this? I’d like to move towards being confident in what I’ve done and not second-guessing it when someone resists it.

Here’s a specific example:
C: Person X asks me to do something 3 times after my answer of no.
T: They should respect my answer of no.
F: Annoyed
A: Avoid Person X. Find ways to resist them passively (e.g., say yes finally but cancel on them the week before with some excuse). Justify being passive aggressive since they don’t respect my assertive response first. Ruminate.
R: I don’t respect my answer of no.

Wow, that model really helped! I now see that *I* am the one who doesn’t stand by my own “no” (although neither does the other person when they keep pushing…). I’m afraid I’ll be judged, so I give in to people please. It’s really hard to apply this in real time though – I find it scary to stand firm. What if I *am* wrong? What if I *should* help? What if I’m just being difficult, cranky, or unwilling to grow when I turn down a request or invitation?