I am in the process of learning Dutch to reach a goal of taking an exam showing the level that I understand Dutch. I have taken lessons for the last 1.5 years. Two weeks ago, I got an email from my lesson instructor advising to get some private speaking lessons to assist with my speaking. So last week was the first time that I met with the private tutor.
I had been upfront with the private tutor letting her know my goals, which was the exam I would like to pass and speaking to feel connected with the other students in class. In the middle of the private session, the tutor said that I am ready for the exam now. So I should sign up to take the exam. Initially I was excited at this as this was the first reason why I started taking the Dutch lessons in the first place. Now that I have sat with the idea, I noticed I haven’t signed up for the exam and or started taking some practice exams/exercises. I started to ask myself why and realize it is because I am disappointed. I think my model would go something like this
C: Goal of passing the Dutch language exam
T: I thought I would be able to speak simple sentences better after 1.5 years of classes
A: Not sign up for exam, think about studying for exam, wish my language skills were better
R: No plan to take exam
Now I can see I am looking for excuses for not studying and taking exam. I believe it is just indulging my disappointment. Now I wonder if my expectation or thought of the outcome of taking this exam is different then reality, which is why I might be disappointed. I still want to take the exam, but am now thinking that I need to readjust my goal to match my expectations for myself and my language capability. Do you have any thoughts on this situation?
Note: I know the question of what do I define as “better” may come up. I know everyone would have a different interpretation of it.