Expiration On Marriage And Me Premature Actions

I have been writing about my marriage and how I want to end it . I think I just did – I told him that I don’t want to be with him any longer . That this property project brought up our incompatibility in my opinion . I told him that I will always love him and I will . It didn’t feel good at all though . I can’t pin point what it is – feels wrong . I wanted to hurt him and I said all that , at the same time I can’t go back to same relationship. I am struggling finding right thoughts . I’m really upset . My thoughts are making me ill – I thought I was having a full blown panic attack . This is got to stop . The truth is I do love him and the minute I get on bus we will be texting each other how sorry we are, and so on . But once we are in same space it’s like vinegar and water . I don’t know what’s going to happen now .