Unintentional.

C- husband smokes cigars.

T- I can’t show him how much it upsets me.

F- scared.

A- talk to self to clam down, but never say anything to him at all. He doesn’t know I am upset or even concerned about his smoking.

R- external calm. Internal stress and guilt.

Intentional.

C- husband smokes cigars.

T wonder if he is stressed and lonely.

F compassionate.

A

R internal calm.

So I am having a hard time finding the A line. Also, I don’t really believe the thought “wondering if he is stressed and lonely.” I just become angry that this may be how he copes with being stressed and lonely. Even though tons of people do, it is just a big change for him and I hear his rationalizations which do not make sense. Suggestions?