I’m so uncomfortable in my body because I have put on weight. I don’t feel like this discomfort is caused by a thought, I think it’s caused by the way my body physically feels in my clothes. Yeah, I’m saying all sorts of unhelpful things to myself, like: my face feels so fat and round, I can feel the extra pounds on my legs and butt, my arms are flabby, my boobs feel huge….so yeah there’s that. Mostly, though, I just feel so uncomfortable.

Am I just supposed to ‘feel this way’ all day long? When I feel this way, I really want to escape that visceral feeling! Usually what I do is restrict my food, which I know is a diet.

But I guess I notice that when I tell myself, even right now, that “I’m going to restrict my food”, there’s a model there:

C feel viscerally uncomfortable in my body
T I’m going to restrict my food
F Hopeful
A Restrict
R Feel better in my body (at least temporarily)

Okay, that’s good to know. So, the viscerally uncomfortable feeling is being exacerbated by the fact that I’m thinking something negative about it. Since changing the thought to “I’m going to restrict” my food helps how I feel, I must be saying something to myself that makes me feel worse.

C feel viscerally uncomfortable in my body
T You have to accept your weight as it is. Stop trying to fight it.
F Hopeless
A Resistance
R I resist fully embracing the uncomfortable feelings, ensuring they persist.

Okay, well, that’s helpful to see that the thought “you have to accept your weight as it is, stop fighting it” isn’t a helpful thought for me. It’s causing a lot of resistance. Though, intellectually, I DO feel like it’s true – I’ve never really accepted my body or weight, and I am constantly just trying to change it. I DO believe that landing in a place of acceptance is probably what is stopping me from ever achieving and maintaining weight loss.

I do think it’s possible for me to be more gentle with myself, here.

The feeling I’d like to create is one of….self-love and acceptance. Not even – it’s self-compassion. So, I think I need a new model, and I can start with self-compassion in the feeling line.

C feel viscerally uncomfortable in my body
T
F self-compassion
A I’d dress myself comfortably, I’d stick to my protocol because I trust myself and love myself and want to nourish myself, I’d not allow myself to berate myself in the mirror, and I’d probably make a list of all the wonderful things I’ve done today to give myself some credit and praise. I’d actually consider buying a bigger pair of pants, so I could be comfortable right now.
R

I think the thought that fosters self compassion most is that “My body is operating absolutely 100% perfectly given the way I feed it and move it. My body is an absolute miracle. Nothing has gone wrong.”

My final model:

C feel viscerally uncomfortable in my body
T My body is operating absolutely 100% perfectly given the way I feed it and move it. My body is an absolute miracle. Nothing has gone wrong
F self-compassion
A I’d dress myself comfortably, I’d stick to my protocol because I trust myself and love myself and want to nourish myself with love, I’d not allow myself to berate myself in the mirror, and I’d probably make a list of all the wonderful things I’ve done today to give myself some credit and praise. I’d actually consider buying a bigger pair of pants, so I could be comfortable right now.
R My body would have the space to act 100% perfectly without my control or intervention.

I’m not sure I FULLY landed on it, but it feels closer. I think I’ve been missing the self-acceptance and compassion piece with respect to weight, and it’s definitely, definitely not working without it.

Any feedback appreciated!