This month is more challenging than I would have thought. So far, every day, I have committed to brainstorming new ideas for my fiction writing, which is hard for me. Editing my work-in-progress is much easier. So every day I sit with uncomfortable emotion for at least 30-45 minutes before I get excited about a new idea that comes up, all the while fretting that I am not talented enough to come up with anything good. That feels like a good dare for me, even though it repeats every day.
However, recently something has come up that I’m tempted to explore, but am not sure. I hate having people over. I don’t like cooking, don’t have a lot of confidence in my cooking/entertaining ability and find the whole process of prepping, cooking, cleaning up, etc. exhausting. I am somewhat of an introvert, and over the past five years, I have become less and less social in my suburban town. But a big part of why I don’t have people over is that I fear people would judge my cooking, my house and just not have a good time.
Here’s the thing. I don’t know if I ought to push myself to invite people over this month as a dare or just leave it alone because it isn’t something I enjoy anyway. Plus I am managing my time to focus on my fiction work, which is really important to me. At the same time, I want to make friends, deepen existing friendships. Is having people over the only way to do that?
I am all tangled. Thoughts to untangle: Having people over for dinner is the only way to make friends/deepen friendships. I don’t enjoy entertaining. People would not have fun at my house because I am no good at entertaining. I am an introvert and prefer quiet evenings. I have to be more daring than just facing a blank page every day. I will always be lonely if I don’t become more social.
Where do I start? Gah!