Facts


I need help teasing this out.
I feel this is my PhD of this work.

I have been very diligent lately teasing out facts and thoughts.
I get this is where my superpower is.

So I am working on this, and need some help.

My husband has 4 grown children from another marriage.
He and his ex-wife don’t talk.
He sends her texts.
She doesn’t respond, or her current husband responds.

His son has a daughter. (my husband and ex-wife’s granddaughter)
His son and my husbands ex-wife (the son’s mom) have shared custody of the daughter, and there are now legal proceedings.
The ex-wife wants full custody.
Currently she has had the daughter full time, against the son’s will, since February.

My husband’s ex-wife doesn’t talk to him – she won’t return his texts.
The son rarely talks to him – he returns his texts but not regularly.
When he does talk to his son, or his younger son, he hears about how the proceedings are “bitter and messy.”

My husband also read court documents that his ex-wife said things about him that were false.
She told the court that he had dementia. (we have the court transcript so we know this is fact)
This was related to having someone observe their son when he has visiting times with his daughter.

A few weeks ago, my husband sent an affidavit saying this wasn’t true.
His other son (I’ll call him Older Son) who is a criminal lawyer told him it wasn’t a good idea that he had done that.

Add to this that last week his son was charged with two counts of trafficking drugs.
His Older Son told my husband this after telling him about the affidavit being the wrong thing to do.

I am working very diligently at discerning facts from thoughts and emotions.

When I become aware of the various thoughts, I also feel numb inside.
That is my clue that my thinking isn’t aligned. It is my clue that I have work to do.

So I sit with the thoughts and the feeling and I ask myself:
What result to I want?

What I find sort of funny is I am totally okay with the son being charged.
I am okay with the legal battle.

But the Older son telling my husband that submitting the affidavit was wrong… that got me.
That the ex-wife doesn’t talk to my husband about this, nor returns texts about seeing his granddaughter – that gets me.

The primary thought is that is just so wrong for people to treat other people this way.
I also get that I can’t control what people do. I am getting way better at understanding and embodying that.

So I turn it back to me, and ask how I want to feel. That is the only result that I think I can control.

Here is my IM
C- husband’s family
T – this is all how it is supposed to be
F – lighter, gentler
A – carry on living my own life, connecting with his kids taking care of myself, visiting son in jail,
R – less numb inside, a profound experience of life really is 50-50 and I can be with both.

Thank you for your feedback on this.
This is a good one,