I’m very annoyed right now. I recently went through a coaching certification program through another institution and did the final exam. I was pretty confident in my exam, and even debriefed with the person I took the exam with, who was a certified “mentor coach” through the institution. I did kind of steer the conversation in a direction that I thought was best for the client, and I did kind of think that the way this institution tells us to coach is kind of stupid. I much prefer the LCS coaching model than this other methodology. But anyway, the point is just that I am super annoyed that they failed me and are making me retake the exam.
I’m also generally feeling very defensive and feel like I want to attack this organization. I did write them a pretty scathing email expressing how I was annoyed that after going through all their bullshit and paying to work with their mentor coaches, that I still have to retake this exam.
I do have a bit of an ego here, that’s true. I do think I’m a good coach, I think I have tons of value to offer, and my experience having worked with a master coach from this particular unnamed organization was that I didn’t get any of the results I was looking for. Mostly, right now, I’m just pissed. I know I have to feel the feeling because I can’t fully identify the thought. Probably something like “how fucking dare they!”
C: received email saying to retake exam
T: how fucking dare they
A: write scathing email, get quiet around friends, write into ask a coach, think about all the reasons this organization is stupid, I’m basically just fuming, think about all the reasons I don’t want to listen to ANY organization, period. Like, fuck any rules or stupid organization telling me what to do or evaluating me. I don’t see the truth in what they said. I don’t learn anything.
R: I fuel my anger. I don’t listen to feedback. I don’t learn. I protect my ego. I shut down.
I know I have to feel my anger, but I also just do feel very defensive. I am not really tooo worried that I’m not a good coach, I believe that I am. Plus, yes I do a decent amount of teaching in my coaching sessions – I like to. That’s how I like to do it. Apparently this organization wants me to have no opinion and not be a person. Open to any suggestions about what to do with this emotion.