Failure/self sabotage

Brooke, for decades I have been self sabotaging my goals and dreams. I didnt think i was good enough or deserved it and in return subconsciously before I meet my goals or make a promotion i find someway to mess it up. Looking back at my life through a new lense i almost feel like I enjoy messing up and not meeting that goal, deadline, promotion. I procrastinate because I’m afraid of failing. I wait so long until the deadline to finish something and it ends up being a crappy product and every single time i stary it i know i can do it and then get mad at myself for not starting sooner because i could have made a great product. How do i stop this cycle ? I get so overwhelmed. Maybe I need small victories to build my confidence. I know this isn’t going to be an easy change since this has been my life for at least 15-20 years. I’m not sure when this mindset started but I need to change or I will never become the person I need or want to be stuck in this place.