Falling apart after a few months in SCS


I started SCS in May and originally signed up for the overeating class. I lost twenty pounds in the first few months and was feeling like I could do this. For the last few weeks I feel like I am falling apart, I can’t stay on track. I am eating a lot again and really struggling to stay on protocol. My brain is going to the place where I feel like this is another failed diet. Part of my frustration is that now I really know the problem is me and I feel like I’m not fixable. I just keep going off protocol, it’s very self destructive. I actually eat till I am painfully full and almost feel like I’m going to be sick. I am realizing that I am punishing myself for still wanting to overeat. I hate this and I just want it to stop. I did sign up for private tutoring and have my first one next week. Right now I’m just going to try and make it through this week.
My current model
C- Eat till painfully full
T- I’m out of control and disgusting, can’t stop eating
F- Disgusted with myself
A-Punish myself with overeating,
R- Eat uncontrolably till I am in pain

Intentional Model
C- Overeating
T- I am working on becoming someone that does not overeat to avoid emotions or punish myself
F-understanding ( trying to feel this but it really feels more like pity)
A- When I am done overeating complete the change judgement to curiosity worksheet
R-Observe what happened with curiosity and move on

I feel like I rambled here, sorry about that. I guess my question is why is this getting harder not easier:(
I feel like I’m doing the models but and trying to do the work, but I must still be resisting because I keep falling apart.