Family conflicts

I grew up with conflicting parents who argued through lawyer until my dad died few years ago. They divorced when I was 4 years old and they had 26 lawsuits involving us as kid. My mother recently sued my cousins ​​for my grandmother’s estate. So far, I had a very good relationship with my cousins ​​and now I am very uncomfortable. I was the only person to have a good relationship with my grandmother so all the family asked me to take part in the conflict, but I refused and I stopped to have relation with all of them. Now I’m feeling guilty because I don’t have relation with my mother and neither with my cousins. At some points, I’m disappointed about all my family, I just hate conflict and I’m not comfortable at all, especially when lawyers are involved. I would like to have a relationship with them without feeling uncomfortable and guilty. At some point I feel that I’m always on my guard in front of my family as if someone was going to attack me. It feels terrible.