I have an unintentional model that includes a manual for how others speak & feel about me.
UM:
C: One family member referred to me as “psychologically damaged” and another family member said I don’t handle (hard) things well.
T: They should see me as strong, not damaged or weak.
F: pathetic
A: cry in private, don’t communicate with them or other family members, or communicate over very superficial things, don’t express my real emotions, take everything they say (or don’t say) as further evidence that they view me as damaged, don’t tell them or show them I’m strong, judge myself for crying, judge myself for buffering, write down steps towards my goal but buffer instead with food and social media. stay physically away from those family members, don’t open up to other friends for fear they will also view me as damaged,
R: I view myself as damaged and weak

I want to build an intentional model with a different thought but am having trouble deciding what possible thoughts are useful. And I don’t know if it’s more important to focus on letting go of my manual for how they should feel about me, or if that will fall away once I shore up how I feel about me.
Possible intentional thoughts:
It’s okay if they don’t know how strong I am.
They can say and think whatever they want.
I know I am strong & DO handle hard things.
What they say and think about my ability to handle hard things is none of my business.

Any guidance is appreciated. Thank you!