Father In Law


Hi Brooke,

My in-laws have come to visit and I have been trying to work with the model and our tools in regards to my father-in-law. My feeling about him is that he is entitled, loud, racist, sexist and rude to everyone from his wife to my family who hosts them graciously each time they visit. I can barely stand being in the same room as him by our third day of his visit. More than that, I don’t want my children to spend time with him because of his beliefs and how he treats people. My daughter wouldn’t go near him on the last visit because he yells so much.

In the past this has been a problem and using the model and some of the tools I have learned with you, I let my husband know that I would be setting a boundary and need to limit my and mine and my children’s time to a shorter visits with him is his behaviour continued. My husband agreed that it would be best to have them stay at a hotel so we could all get some space and rest and try to keep things civil but I am still struggling because while I know I can’t change the way my father-in-law thinks, feels or acts I do find it bothers me to be around him even for short periods of time.

To further complicate things, my husband shared that we will be spending a month away this coming winter and somewhere along the line the conversation about them joining us for a portion of that got started.

I am in no way interested in sharing any part of my vacation with my father-in-law with his current value system and way he treats people around him. My intention is not to be mean or rude but I am unsure of how to approach this with my husband because I know he loves his parents dearly and doesn’t see them as much as he would like. I want him to feel supported in his relationship with them but I personally don’t feel comfortable with spending my own time or having my children exposed to behaviour and values that don’t align with what we are trying to teach them.
Thanks so much