OK, so I’m working through the fears that are coming up about my Impossible Goal for 2020, which is to be organized (with clear, measurable benchmarks). One thing that came up this morning was–since I have elderly parents, a brother who is at risk for suicide, and a daughter who is pretty deeply depressed too (a slight risk of suicide)–someone’s going to die in 2020 and how will I be able to carry on my plans for being organized *then* while in mourning and gut-wrenching sadness when I can’t do it *now* while everyone I love is still alive?
I put that into an UM:
C: Someone I love dies in 2020
T: How will I be able to do the actions I’ve laid out for myself when I will be so devastated?
F: incapable; full of fear, too
A: ruminate and stay in fear
R: Incapable of doing the actions because I’m a) ruminating and locked in fear, b) failing ahead of time, since no one has actually died (yet), and c) using mental energy on this scenario instead of spending time on the actions.
Some flaws with my model: I’m not actually in January with a dead family member. I’m in December with all of my family here and alive. So I feel like I’m merging the present tense stuff with future tense stuff that isn’t even real.
a) Can you please help me make this model more present tense? (I have a feeling it will be to look at the fear/feeling/thought as the C, so that I can get some distance from it and view it simply as my mind doing its thing.)
b) Any bridge thoughts on *if* this scenario does come to pass (as it will some day), how I can still stay the course, organizationally?