Fear about Joining Online Dating Site Again


I took a break from dating during COVID. Now that everything is beginning to open up, I decided to join Match again. And WHEWW I didn’t realize I had so many damn thoughts about it because I hadn’t been thinking about dating for a long time.

In writing my thought download, I don’t see myself as having worthiness issues. I know I’m worthy, desirable, awesome, all the things. The thoughts that are holding me back is that there are no men left who are going to want to date someone like me. I’m also thinking back to my last long term relationship that ended nearly 3 years ago and focusing on not making the same mistake of ignoring red flags, believing love will conquer all, and staying too long. Some thoughts that popped up are:
I shouldn’t have paid for Match.
I’m never going to find anyone.
I’m too picky.
I’m too scared.
There are no good men left.
I’m afraid that I’m going to make the same mistake again and stay when I know I should leave.

Here is my UM:
C: Signed up for Match for 6 months.
T: I am afraid that I will overlook a man’s red flags and not leave him.
F: Scared – tightness in chest, shallow breathing, tight throat
A: Search for every red flag imaginable on every profile. Scrutinize their pictures, their bios, delete them if they have typos. When I’m talking to friend about the guy that she just met, I tell her that she shouldn’t accept an invitation to a dusty date at a park and scrutinize the typo in the text message that he sent to her. Get a little defensive when my friends tell me that I need to give guys a chance and not cut them off so early on. Decide that I have to cut any man off as early as possible so I don’t make the same mistake that I did with my ex. Feel like crying. Think about how I’m going to be a 50-year old single auntie and that’s just how it’s going to be.
R: I search for red flags and I leave. My thought is the only reason I am having the experience of looking for red flags.

IM
C: Signed up for Match for 6 months.
T: I am willing to approach this process from a place of curiosity.
F: Curious
A: Focus on getting to know the person instead of looking for what is wrong with him. Be more present in the process. Allow everyone else to have their standards and not try to defend mine.
R: My thoughts cause me to curiously explore the dating process without negative expectations.