I’m giving myself a hard time over my desire to restart family planning. I’m 49, single and have the financial and family support resources to support me (proximity, expressed support to go for it, come stay, visit, help out, etc) – what I lack is the confidence in myself that I can, or want to go through the earlier disappointment, emotional ups/downs and interesting feelings of rejection…and also fear that I’ve given up on partnership, marriage etc. Quick backstory: from mid 2011-end 2014 I worked on various rounds of fertility treatments while living overseas and then back in the states. I was totally in, committed and up for it. Acupuncture, food protocols, $, etc you name it, I was in. And none of the rounds “worked.”. For 2015 till now, I gave my body and mind a chance to refocus, restore and build my business. I gestated myself in a way, you could say. And now, feeling like I want to try to make it happen again (not necessarily through IVF but adoption, donor embryos, etc) I’m giving myself all kinds of WHAT IF questions: what if nothing “works” AGAIN, what if NO birth mom picks me (am I too old, single, etc) ? Will I Never sleep again and how will I handle that given that I have to generate income, sole source? What if fall into poverty and does this mean too, as a single mom, single income, that I AM GIVING UP MY CHANCE TO HAVE SEX AND PARTNER UP AGAIN. See how dramatic I’m making this for myself. There are literally millions of single moms in the world, and I’m creating a scenario as if I’m on some great new uncharted path. Single motherhood is perhaps one of the least original scenarios. I am jealousy over my brother –when he and his wife had twins, my folks literally moved to their town to help raise them from birth. And Mom has said that she’d come to me wherever I was, so I don’t need to fret that say I’d be all alone if I left where we all are now in California (I spend lots of time in this town too, to be closer to them all since moving back to the US in 2011). So what’s my problem. My mind, obviously. I can’t seem to or won’t get through this basic fear that I’ll not be able to handle becoming a single mom at the emotional, financial, physical, sexual, relationship or life level. How can I get my shit together on this? When I do these little self-tests such as “If someone literally put a baby in your arms and asked, “hey, do you want to keep this kid?” ” – I’d take it in a second. So what gives?