Fear of insecurity/uncertainty


Hi,
Thanks so much for your answer about my issue with insecurity and how I’m trying to make others responsible for making me feel secure. The fear podcast was so helpful for me over the weekend to see what my thinking is creating. Today I had a meeting with my team on a project that makes me feel most insecure, which of course leads to the most aggravation, frustration, and anger. Here’s the model I came up with after that meeting.
C: Project proposal due in July for continued funding of the project
T: We have to come up with an amazing proposal (i.e. If we don’t come up with an amazing proposal, we’ll lose the funding)
F: Fear of loss (the project, the funding, the security; the personnel; some salary but not my job; possibly some prestige/reputation/respect from others)
A: Panicky thoughts and racing mind; Increased heart rate, shallow breathing; Bring fear mentality into the meeting; Can’t concentrate; Can’t lead; Can’t make decisions; Lash out, criticize, complain; Get angry; Blame others for lack of progress
R: My fear is preventing me from leading my team and creating an amazing project

Today I let myself feel the fear ahead of the meeting and saw in action how this grasping/clinging energy and fear of loss is affecting me and my team. I just sort of watched myself in action and it was not pretty.

I could also see how my inclination is to try to force myself to change my actions without changing thoughts and feelings – or to change the circumstance by firing the whole team now and starting fresh. And I can see that none of that will change the problem (fear producing thoughts).

So . . . here’s the intentional model I’m working on. Any feedback would be appreciated – especially since I don’t quite believe the thought yet.

C: Project proposal due in July for continued funding of the project
T: I know exactly what it takes to create an amazing proposal (whether it is selected or not is beyond my control)
F: Confidence
A: Outline project ideas; focus on best ideas; make assignments; explain ideas clearly and fully; remain calm, clear, and focused at next meeting
R: I am leading my team and creating an amazing project

Thank you!