Fear of rejection and pushing people away


The story from my past that I am working on this week is growing up without friends. I struggled to make friends as a child, and I keep losing friends. Maybe I’m not good at keeping in touch, but I also know that I’m “a lot”, that I have a big personality and am just too much for some people. I can only be a peacock, I don’t know how to be a pigeon.

I think part of the problem is that I want to help people, even when they havent asked for advice, and then push them away by being controlling and trying to tell them what to do. I would hope that would get better as I learn more in SCS, but now I want to save everyone with the model… I met with a friend at the beach today, and she introduced me to another friend, who is planning her wedding and experiencing family drama. I wanted to be supportive and offer the thought that she can plan and do whatever she wants for her wedding, that we cant control what other people will do and think, we can only make the best decisions for ourselves. I must have come off more strongly than I intended, because it didnt go over well, and another person seemed to take offense and “come to her rescue”. There was awkward tension for the rest of the afternoon at the beach. I ended up sending her an apology on facebook, and she replied that there was nothing to apologize and that all is well. I feel better having apologized, because I keep opening my mouth loudly and ending up in awkward situations, pushing people away. I want friends, but I dont know how to keep them (I make friends easily, but they dont stick around, and I think I’m the reason why, that I come off controlling and arrogant/know it all). Help.

Thanks,
Siw