Fear of Succeeding Fear of Failure

I don’t even know if that is a thing—the “fear of succeeding”. I’m just confused.

C- I purchased this program yesterday
T- This is not going to work, you wasted your money
R- ?

I’m not quite sure about what to write in the Result line, I don’t know the result

I’m scared to mess things up. I hate the idea of wasting my time and effort and not getting results. So a huge part of me doesn’t want to give my all to the program because a part of me is convinced I will fail. Why? because I always do. I never do anything right, I know that is black and white thinking, but it is what I truly believe. I don’t know how to get pass this belief. Constant tormenting thought “You are not doing this RIGHT” I feel obsessed with feeling like I’m doing things right…it has to be a certain way in order for it to be right.

But as I’m writing this now, a question is coming to my mind: What the heck is “right”?

I’m all over the place with my thoughts. I picture myself accomplishing my goals, then immediately a thought comes up “Big Deal” you still will not be happy….”Why do this?”

Then I picture myself working so hard to accomplish my goals…just to fail…The thought that comes up “Why do this?, Why try just to get hurt?”

All of this makes me so anxious, I can’t focus, I feel inferior, I feel stupid, not good enough to pull this off. Then I get scared, like I could die, and I want something to soothe my disquieted thoughts……FOOD.