I have a tendency to be very self-critical. I use self-perfecting as a tool to fend off the self-criticism.

As I seek to live with ease and self-love, I find myself fed up with my inability to once and for all lose 5 lbs. It’s been two years of gently trying to apply the different tools from SCS and elsewhere and still I haven’t lost the weight.

I feel inclined to say “that’s it, I’m following the SCS program” and get ‘er done. I was trying to do it “my way” which was no sugar and eating when hungry. But I can’t stick to that. So maybe the program the way.

But I’m wary of using self-perfecting as my crutch, where I defer to an outside authority and grit my teeth and use willpower to gird myself with resolve and do it. This approach has traditionally come from a place of self-punishment, not love.

Can I love myself at this weight? I want to say yes, but it’s not true. I’m disappointed wth my lack of commitment. And I don’t love the way I look. I don’t love how my clothes fit. I definitely don’t love my absent-minded, urge-fuelled eating.

How do I make a commitment to myself with love and not with self-recrimination?