Okay – so I’ve started to realize that my partner is a human who says words (that’s going to be how I address all cards to him now… “Dear Human Who Says Words”) … so when he says something that normally I would take offense to – or become defensive about – I’ve realized that there’s not a real response that’s needed from me. My human is saying words (based on his thinking) and there’s no real response to give.
For example, he bought a cord for a projector that hooks up to our Apple. He threw away the previous cord – and the only cord we have doesn’t connect the two. So he went online and bought a new cord. It showed up – and he asked me to see if it would hook up correctly. It didn’t – because he bought the same one we already had. He was annoyed and was talking about how we weren’t communicating correctly and how did this happen – and well, lots of “words” – but nothing in the words that said “I need a response”. So I calmly left and went to order the correct cord on Amazon. Problem solved.
However, it felt weird to leave amid the “annoyed” talking. I realize it’s probably his brain trying to release some of the pressure from the anger, annoyance, self-recrimination, etc. that he was feeling from his thoughts – but it didn’t feel helpful to hang out until he was done.
When we don’t engage with our spouses because we don’t see a need to be defensive, what’s the proper reaction? Should we do the Byron Katie stand-by (“You might be right”) or just calmly walk away? Just curious. My human talks a lot – and the more see if, the more I realize there are times when I simply don’t need to engage.