I Feel Just A Bit Crazy

Alright Brooke,

I’ve been doing the work.

I am the one who wants to start the business by feb before the masterclass and make $2,000.

I indulged in confusion and make myself home there. Now I recognize that this is all fear based.

I do know what I should be doing.

I’ve done enough research to figure it out.

I can spot when the confusion is happening. I see the i dont knows swimming in my brain. I am trying to say good bye but it feels so much more intense.

I didn’t realize it until now but I have total anxiety over this. I brought it out as much as I could yesterday. My body felt so tense, my breathe felt short, and i felt a tightness in my chest, its like my mouth was try…. I am actually beginning to feel it now as I describe it..

I felt it, had a mini conversation with myself about how its time to move on and that these thoughts arent serving me anymore. That everything i have done in the past has led me here and that now its time to move on…. it felt great.

Now, here i am, feeling deathly afraid of all of it. The same fear of doing it all wrong is like banging in my brain. I realize i am in confusion and sometimes i choose to stay there. I tell myself “wait, i see what you’re doing”. Then I do it anyway or I do nothing.

It’s just like everything is heightened. I am extra emotional about a lot of things. Then I judge myself for it because “I should know better”.

Now that I am looking at it as an observer, I never felt it this intense because I numbed it with confusion and “research mode” before it ever came about. Then I’d indulge in overwhelm.

So now when I stop to look at it, the fear is in my face.

So lately when even a slight hint of it shows up, my reaction is to shut it up and i allow myself to just buffer in social media or act confused my messaging and everything that I want to put out there.

hmmm, i literally just right now am seeing that.

How do I work through this???

It feels like it’s every hour that this happens to me. There are little things too like getting up to move a thing or grab water or get comfortable then somehow I’m skimming through random emails and just catching up on the latest. Then I bring myself back to focus then I’m somehow back in the confusion state.