Feel like giving up

I am in a custody dispute and general dispute with my ex-husband over children and finances. I have found the process difficult and he wrote another email this morning to our child specialist complaining that I had communicated with him.

We have lawyers and a child specialist. It feels exhausting. This morning when I got yet another email from him 2-3 hours before we were to meet with the child specialist, I just felt like giving up. Like, “fine take them, ruin their life, I can’t stop you anyway. Leave me alone.” It’s like the only way I can get away from him is to give up on my girls.

When I am with them and don’t have to deal with him I like that but when he keeps emailing crap and trying to make my/our life miserable I feel like I’m falling down and don’t have the energy to keep fighting. It feels as if my girls are getting a messed up life and there is nothing I can do to prevent it.

I feel like giving up. Maybe that is acceptance. Or avoidance. Or defeated. I know my ex-husband is a circumstance but I really want to not have to interact with him. I wish I could take my kids away from him but I guess that is just fighting with reality.