Feel like I’ve messed up by overthinking


I think I might have really fucked up. My bf thinks that I do not trust him, and now I’m really scared that we can’t come back from it.

I told my boyfriend that I was uncomfortable with him hanging out with an old female friend while he is visiting a different city. I don’t know this friend because she lives in a different city and he’s never really mentioned her. I said this in a long text and said why it bothered me, and then requested that he:
1. Call me before he goes out
2. Send me pics while he’s out, so that I can have some peach of mind, and
3. let me know when he gets back to his hotel.

His communication was limited because he was busy during this trip. That, combined with his plans set off thoughts that inspired insecurity…. and I tried to control his model. I feel awful about it now. He didn’t even end up going out with this friend, and is so mad at me that he’s essentially not communicating with me right now.

I feel like I’ve ruined everything and broken down trust between us.

Here are my models:

C: I texted boyfriend list of 3 requests for his plans for a night out with female friend in another city. He said, “I don’t like the list, you say that you trust me but it seems like you don’t”, “I don’t want to deal with this right now” and has not texted me since. That was his only communication with me today.
T: He thinks that I don’t trust him.
F: Regret
A: I imagine horrible worst case scenarios in the future of him acting out because he thinks that I don’t trust him anyways, or breaking up with me, I judge myself, I think of all the things that I shouldn’t have said in that text, I feel completely out-of-control because I can’t go back and change my actions, I act distracted, I send him texts trying to explain myself and make up for it, I beat myself up for trying to control him.
R: I don’t trust myself anymore

C: I texted boyfriend list of 3 requests for his plans for a night out with female friend in another city. He said, “I don’t like the list, you say that you trust me but it seems like you don’t”, “I don’t want to deal with this right now” and has not texted me since. That was his only communication with me today.
T: I’ve completely fucked everything up.
F: Despair
A: I imagine horrible worst case scenarios in the future of him acting out because he thinks that I don’t trust him anyways, or breaking up with me, I judge myself and beat myself up, I act distracted, I send him texts trying to explain myself and make up for it, I try to call him when he doesn’t want to talk, I indulge in complete overwhelm, I panic, I panic more and act out more because I know I’m fucking up more
R: I fuck things up way more

C: I texted boyfriend list of 3 requests for his plans for a night out with female friend in another city. He said, “I don’t like the list, you say that you trust me but it seems like you don’t”, “I don’t want to deal with this right now” and has not texted me since. That was his only communication with me today.
T: He doesn’t want to talk to me.
F: Insecurity
A: I imagine horrible worst case scenarios in the future of him acting out because he thinks that I don’t trust him anyways, or breaking up with me, I panic and try to force him to talk to me, I act distracted, I fall into a state of completely doubting myself and not having my back at all
R: I don’t want to talk to me

C: I texted boyfriend list of 3 requests for his plans for a night out with female friend in another city. He said, “I don’t like the list, you say that you trust me but it seems like you don’t”, “I don’t want to deal with this right now” and has not texted me since. That was his only communication with me today.
T: I must look so needy to him.
F: Shame
A: I beat myself up and judge myself, I feel so out of control that I can’t control if he thinks this about me
R: I look needy to myself

C: I texted boyfriend list of 3 requests for his plans for a night out with female friend in another city. He said, “I don’t like the list, you say that you trust me but it seems like you don’t”, “I don’t want to deal with this right now” and has not texted me since. That was his only communication with me today.
T: This could be the end of my relationship.
F: Fear
A: I imagine horrible worst case scenarios in the future of him breaking up with me, I panic, I panic about panicking because I know that will make things worse, I indulge in self-pity and overwhelm, I act distracted
R: I jeopardize my relationship with myself

I told myself that I would have my back when I sent that text, but now I feel like I’ve made such a complete mess of things. I want to trust him, and I want him to know that I trust him… here is a possible new model:

C: I texted boyfriend list of 3 requests for his plans for a night out with female friend in another city. He said, “I don’t like the list, you say that you trust me but it seems like you don’t”, “I don’t want to deal with this right now” and has not texted me since. That was his only communication with me today.
T: I can fix this.
F: Determined
A:
-I avoid fantasizing about horrible future worst case scenarios, and remind myself that this is just my primitive brain at work
-I don’t try to control his model in the future
-I apologize to him sincerely and own my mistake
-I work on trusting myself more
R: I trust him.

Is this a good start? Is there anything that I’m blatantly missing that could help fix this situation I’ve created?
Thank you!