What if there is no right or wrong way? This question opens up so many doors for me that were previously closed in my brain. My question revealed perfectionist, black and white thinking when I did a thought download on it. I recognized a frequent thought I have when trying to do something new: “I should be perfect”. I put this thought in a model and it looks like this:
C: I smoked a cigarette
T: I should be perfect
A: Overachieve, People please
R: Burnout, Codependency Behaviors
I recognize this from still more messaging I received as a child where nothing I did was ever enough. This is another “story” being revealed as I uncover my brains attempts to hold on to feelings from long ago. This perfectionistic thinking has been with me a very long time. I see it now for what it is. It is not a personality flaw or “character defect” (as they say in 12 step groups), it is just the result of a highly efficient brain, making sure that early messaging stays easily accessible in the primitive brain. In this light, there truly is no right or wrong way to reach my goals. There simply are goals, and I have the capacity to choose for myself what ways to go after them that are specific to me and my personality. Because it was pointed out in my writing that I already said what I KNEW I needed (halting for a while to work on feeling feelings), the question was already asked and answered, by me! I already knew what was needed for myself.
What if nothing has gone wrong? What if what I am going through is totally normal? Well, then my brain is taking situations and magnifying them into dramatic overreactions to a non-problem. If my smoking (or any other goal I am working on) is not a “problem” then I can leave it behind with a lot more ease. With the problem removed, it’s now a non-issue. If it is a non-issue, it has lost it’s power over me. The power that MY BRAIN gave it! No one else.
In regards to owning the new thought, “I am empowered!” I decided I can use this in conjunction with learning to feel feelings. It all fits for me. I choose to apply it to the new thought, “I am empowered to feel all my feelings!” In this way, I can basically have my cake and eat it, too. I can own my new desired thought AND use it to assist me in the feelings journey. This feels very good in my body. Put in a Model:
C: Uncomfortable feelings happen
T: I am empowered to feel all my feelings
A: Continue attempts to reach goals and feel feelings
R: Achieve Goals and set New Ones
I am happy with this Model (for now). It fits me right where I am at in my Self Coaching journey. Thank you for assisting me in uncovering the “stories”. Today is a new day and another opportunity to learn to feel feelings. I have been up for 2 hours with no smoking, buffering. I am just waiting for a vibration to appear in my body that I can describe and learn from. I am owning my thought “I am empowered to feel all my feelings!” I am manifesting bravery in my heart. Being brave feels good, like an energy forcefield that originates inside my heart and spreads out into the universe. Strong, powerful, light energy. That is what bravery feels like. Namaste.