feeling an emptiness and buffering with going blank or sleep – how to understand where it is coming from and what I can do to work on it please?

Yesterday I made a thought download and wrote down that it often seems easier for me to kind of have no thoughts at all than turning negative thoughts into positive ones. It means that I literally think of nothing and / or seek sleep. This shocked and also confused me a lot. I took this question to the call but there were so many questions coming in that it couldn’t be addressed in time.

I didn’t figure out the circumstance that would cause me to think such a thing, but I understand that the feeling is kind of emptiness. My clue is that I might search for this emptiness sometimes because I feel just too overwhelmed with negative emotions and thoughts. I wonder if this has something to do with me being very sensible and/or with my childhood where showing extreme emotions was kind of not allowed. When I showed extreme emotions as a child I got screamed at. Could I have developed a disorder because of that?

I don’t think that I have problems to experience emotions and I think I can name many of them. My problem is that the thoughts that belong to them seem missing, especially the positive ones.

I wonder if you could give me a clue that helps me understand why I might be doing this. It could be a kind of buffering but I am not sure.