Feeling Ashamed part 2


Thanks for your response. To continue the thought work, I worked on the questions you posed.
Answer to question of why I feel guilty wanting to think differently:
I feel I am betraying my mom, leaving her alone in her judgments / negative thoughts towards others. I feel guilty because I myself used to indulge in these types of thinking patterns to cope with boredom or dissatisfaction. I feel like a bad person for now trying to turn over a new leaf, like I’m betraying the “family way” of how to cope.

Answer to “what is a bad person”: someone who lets others down.
Why I fit that definition: I am letting my mom down by not indulging in gossip with her.
Pre-frontal responses to primitive brain’s thoughts above:
-I can be an example of a different way to cope.
-I can provide more positive conversation topics that my mom and I may enjoy more.
And using your prompt suggestions:
-I’m learning that I can change.
-I’m becoming a person who enjoys talking about ideas (not people).
-I’m open to believing that avoiding gossip is not an act of betrayal to my mom.
-I’m seeking evidence that my needs matter too.
-It’s possible that my mom would prefer to avoid gossip too but just thinks I enjoy it since I don’t stop her when she begins.

Finally, how can I move forward with more compassion and less judgment for myself:
-I can understand my brain is used to wanting to meet my mom’s perceived needs instead of my own, which is just a habit from childhood. I can accept that I may experience guilt as a result as I try different ways of relating, and that’s okay.