feeling ashamed


Hi coaches:
I’m getting married soon and have been having such mind drama when it comes to my family. My mother and I have a strained relationship. My brother suffers from an intense mental disorder, and my dad has limited capabilities in terms of speaking English. My family has been pretty absent throughout wedding prep, and I have preferred it that way as they don’t fully understand what a wedding entails anyway. My fiancés family is extremely close and tight knit. His aunt & cousins have really stepped in and organised my bachelorette, celebratory dinners, etc. I had no mind drama about any of this, and felt incredibly grateful.

My mom-in-law and I are also extremely close. She warned me that they have been judging me and asking where my family is and why my family has been so absent throughout the process. This makes me so sad as I have never told my fiancé’s extended family about my family situation. I never felt the need to, but also my mom-in-law keeps steering me away from telling them as she says that they will judge and gossip about it.  My mom-in-law knows the situation with my family, so she is who I typically get advice from.

My fiancé’s cousin called me this morning asking me if I would like to invite my family to a dinner that she is hosting this week. I felt really sad and confused because a part of me does want to invite my family, but my mom-in-law says that they will be judged (my brother is socially awkward & my dad can’t really speak English). This makes me feel ashamed and embarrassed because this dinner is typically meant to be hosted by the brides side of the family and yet my fiancé’s cousin is hosting it.

My mom-in-law keeps telling me that they are just doing this because they feel obligated and not because they truly care. I feel differently about this. Although I know that they do gossip sometimes, my fiancé’s cousins have been really nice to me. It makes me sad to think that this is going on behind the scenes. It takes away from the whole experience, and makes me want to cancel all these dinners and rather stay at home.

Please help coach me on this.