I’ve noticed I’m tired at night and not engaging with my family or spending my non-work time doing things that are productive or fun, and thought it may be because I drink wine in the evening, so I stopped. Last night was my first night and I was still tired and I’m pretty sure I resisted it. Here’s my model and I could use some help sorting it out, I can’t really pinpoint a thought I had that caused me to feel empty/depleted, but the emotion was strong.
C – physical sensation of tired at 8:15, bedtime is 10:30, free time is on the calendar
T – ?? I shouldn’t be feeling like this, I got plenty of sleep and didn’t drink alcohol
F – depleted
A – suggest things to myself I could do (call my sister, go to bed, read a book) and give myself a reason to reject them. Decide to do some online shopping I’ve been wanting to do but don’t make a decision about anything because I’m too tired to commit (I know this is a thought, I think I knew it then, but couldn’t get myself out of the spiral)
R – ??
When the above model becomes my C, here’s what it looks like:
C – last night
T – there’s something wrong with me
F – self loathing
A – judge all the things I think are wrong in my life, tell myself I can’t fix them because of look at last night. Reconsider drinking alcohol.
R – I find more things wrong with me
I’ve noticed through coaching before that I’m pretty resistant to the physical sensation of coming down, I prefer adrenaline. I used to eat sugar to try to not feel the low, but have stopped that. Last night seems like I tried to resist the feeling through my A line and I for sure was not into allowing it to be there, I don’t really understand what processing depleted would mean. I started with some thoughts that weren’t helpful to me “this is where I feel the low” and “this is not a problem” and they just didn’t seem believable.