Feeling exhausted

Today and since the end of last week, I feel really tired. This is accompanied by headaches and heavy eyes and sometimes I even feel like crying. I feel that this fatigue is more emotional exhaustion that I am inflicting on myself by resisting negative thoughts. So I’ve done a little thought download below and would like your help on how to deal with these thoughts to make me feel better.

I really want to feel good, motivated to work, to play sports, to have a good time with my boyfriend, my parents and my friends. I want to lose the weight I gained back and earn a lot of money, start a family and I would like to see that happen soon enough.

I’m afraid that it won’t happen. For example, for the weight, even if I have given up sugar and flour, my weight is not going down.  To lose the weight I think I should try to eat less/smaller quantities. I know that I am the only one who controls what I eat, but I still often feel like I am losing control and eating when it wasn’t in my food journal.

On top of that, my boyfriend is really bugging me and I try to tell myself that my connection with him depends on my thoughts, that I can let him get angry on his own without letting myself be affected by what he says, trying not to think negative things as soon as he gets angry but at the moment I can’t.  I don’t know how to do that. It scares me because we’re buying an apartment together and I can’t help but wonder if it’s too fast, if I’m not going to get tired of him getting angry very often and if I really want to start a family with him in the near future. I choose to be with him and I don’t want to stop the relationship, but I would like to feel more peaceful in this relationship. I know that I can’t change him and that he might still be mad at me and others whenever he gets upset about something, but I’d like to be less affected by that without necessarily disconnecting from him.

In addition to the weight and love relationship aspect, there is the work aspect where I still spend time procrastinating and not following my schedule exactly. It scares me that I don’t have enough time to do what I want to do and I am afraid that I will never reach the level of wealth that I want. When I procrastinate I am often thinking about what else I would like to do other than this job. I know that instead of thinking about that I should take action and do the things that are on my schedule, but I’m really struggling with that.

I think the accumulation of all these thoughts has created physical fatigue and gives me a headache, it just makes me want to sleep, watch a movie and eat and not think about anything else. Except if I do that, it won’t help me reach my goals and I wouldn’t really feel any better.

A tip to help me manage this, maybe by telling me where I should start in spite of the fatigue?  Many thanks!