Feeling feelings – fear of abandonment by others

Continuing the discussion on feeling feelings-

My challenge is not that of handling waves of emotions that roll in and out. It is handling very sharp very strong feelings that are associated with fear of loss and abandonment. Especially loss of connection with someone. I feel terrified when I think that what I say or do may cause someone to abandon me.

In the past I avoided this by constantly seeking reassurance and then allowing my decisions to be informed by what someone else wants me to do- how someone else may want me to respond-or depending on their forgiveness and kindness- and in this way I became very dependent on these people. In essence I lost myself to keep others- and very seldom did I keep them anyway- and I definitely was creepy/needy

I do not want that any more. Therefore I am really really excited to learn to handle these feelings rather than try to make them go away.

I have decided to not put meaning onto these feelings except that my amygdala is on overdrive with respect to relationships and thats OK.

I have decided to say to myself that I can handle these feelings and I can contain them within myself without reaching out for comfort or soothing from someone else.

Could you please give me more guidance. Thanks in advance, I know I have been re-visiting this here