Feeling guilty.


I feel bad. I have a niece I have judged for her erratic and bizarre behavior. She is 46 and my brain thinks she should be making better choices for her life, saving instead of spending; stop being impulsive and immature. Her choices, at times create drama that she brings to me in the form of hysterical tears and anger.

I got frustrated with this behavior and went to my sister (her other aunt) and told her more than I should have. Now my sister has decided to not have a relationship with my niece. Not all because of what I told her…she has her own issues with my niece. I feel like I contributed to my sister’s choice and my niece doesn’t need to lose another person. I feel guilty and wrong.

This morning I had a conversation with my sister and tried to convince her that our niece is a very sweet person, she just gets off the rails sometimes but that should not be a reason to eliminate her from our lives. She is a human struggling like all the rest of us. My sister got mad at me for trying to change her mind. Then I backed up and apologized realizing I stepped too far into her business. I just felt like I wanted to mend the damage I had created.

I love my niece so much. Sometimes she does crazy shit and I get frustrated with her choices but they are hers to make. It’s not fair for me to judge her. I have done a lot of crazy shit in my life, too. I just want to love her and accept her and allow her to make her own mistakes and learn like the rest of us. If she knew I said the things I did to my sister, she would be devastated.

C: had conversation with sister trying to change her mind about niece
T: It’s my fault she doesn’t want to have a relationship with our niece
F: guilty
A: ruminate about what I did and didn’t do, feel sad that I made this mistake, talk to my girlfriend about it, try to feel better, still feel shitty
R: Continue to blame myself

C: had conversation with sister trying to change her mind about niece
T: if niece knew I told sister about the things she’s done, she would be devastated
F: terrified
A: Spin in fearful thoughts of niece finding out, beat myself up, feel sad and remorseful
R: feel devastated for what I’ve done

C: had conversation with sister trying to change her mind about niece
T: I have no control over how this goes.
F: resigned
A: breathe, let it go, it is what it is
R: Allow everything to evolve naturally

C: had conversation with sister trying to change her mind about niece
T: Everyone gets to choose all their own thoughts and choices…it’s not my business
F: relieved
A: get on with my day, let it go in my mind and trust everything will work out for the best
R: Get on with my own business

For some reason, when I write to you coaches about these things instead of doing my own models, I get clear about my stuff so much faster. Thanks for being there…thoughts?