Feeling my feelings

Until recently, I really had no idea how much buffering I did to avoid ANY unpleasant emotion, and a hard emotion (grief, loss etc), wow I pretty much would rather run blindly into traffic than feel those emotions.

I’ve come to see that I didn’t handle a breakup three years ago – I ran away from that pain. I buffered by dating other people and being really busy all the time. It was too hard, too painful, to feel. So I didn’t.

Now I’m working on allowing those feelings. I’m working on figuring out WHAT I feel, which is always a struggle for me. I’m trying different things in the model to see where my thinking is. I’ve committed to myself that I will go through this feeling of grief and loss, the hurt of not being loved back, until it doesn’t send me off on that emotional roller coaster. It’s getting a bit better (been about 4 weeks), but not quick by any means.

My question is – What am I missing? This is all so new, I wonder if I’m missing something that I need in this process. Thoughts appreciated. 🙂