Feeling Secure

I want to cultivate a feeling of security. I’ve realized I’ve tied the amount of money in my bank account to my level of security. I want to feel secure no matter how much money we have.

I noticed if we have $20k in savings, I think “we have more than enough, I can do whatever I want, everything will be fine because we have enough.”

Right now my balance is at $5k in savings because we made some intentional investments. My brain is thinking “we are not going to be okay, something bad might happen, I’ve screwed up, what have I done?”

C: $5k in savings
T: we are not going to be okay
F: worried
A: Sit with budgets and spreadsheets. Figure out how much money is coming in and going out. Panic and ask husband if he’s paying back money. Start thinking about selling car, purses, or anything to save. Try to create a very small budget for living expenses. Don’t workout in the morning, do brain downloads, do gratitudes, think about my day with kids, or plan for our week,  etc. Don’t think about business and how I can support husband. I am very snappy and short-tempered with my family. I beat myself up and regret the decisions I’ve made in the past.
R: I live like everything is not okay?

Would this be the result?

C: $5k in savings
T: Money is neutral everything will be fine
F: relaxed
A: Set an intentional time to look at finances and create a plan. Continue on with scheduled activities and daily plan. Don’t sit journaling, worrying, being short tempered with family, or question husband on what’s happening with business. I think about how I can provide the most value for my family and husband and business. Think about how grateful I am for being home with my children, our health, and our family and opportunities.
R I live like everything is fine

Is this the result of this?

Any tips would be great. Thank you!