Would love to get some guidance here.
I was hiking with my family a few days ago and it came up on the hike while chatting it up with my 12-year-old that she is really embarrassed and annoyed that I don’t fluently speak the language of the country we live in. ( My husband and I moved here 15 years ago from a different country before we had our 4 children, so my kids speak fluently and my husband and I don’t fully)
Anyway, this has always been a sore and vulnerable point for me personally. I have always had a lot of shame around this issue and it touched a deep vulnerable place in me when she brought it up.
This is what the model looks like:
C: Conversation with daughter about speaking the language of our country fluently
T: Life would be so much easier if I could speak the language fluently!
A: In my head ping-ponging back and forth about what parts she was sharing felt true and what did not, asking my daughter lots of questions to get more info, judging myself for being so stupid to not be able to learn the language, feeling like a little kid, thinking about what kind of language course I can take to get better etc.
R: Making my life so much harder with my thoughts and over complicating the situation
I feel like there is a lot of manual stuff going on here. Like I want to know that my daughter is allowed to have these emotions and thoughts about me and I don’t have to use it to go backwards and feel shame all over again. I kind of came to place a year ago that I was fine that my fluency in the language was not great and that I am not great at language and it has never been my priority but at the same time having my daughter embarrassed to be out and about with me feels awful. Besides this piece, we have an amazing relationship. Almost like best friends.
I would really like to understand this more for myself and know the direction and places I should go in order to honor her truths and honor my own. I know I am going to have to go deep into the shame before I come out at the other end but the question is how I should do that??
Thank you for any help you can offer!