I need help with my reactions to the things my husband says to me. I don’t know how to react in a loving way when I feel like I’m being controlled, mocked or made fun of.

Example: My husband wakes up earlier than me and gets out of bed. I take my time getting out of bed (especially when we have nothing on the schedule – which has been practically every day since Covid). Anyway, when I saw my husband, the first thing he said to me was, “must be nice to sleep in” in a sarcastic tone. He loves this phrase and says it a lot about different things. This morning my response was, “I literally don’t know how to respond to that.” Part of me feels defensive and like he shouldn’t talk to me like that. So what if I didn’t jump out of bed this morning? It’s Sunday morning. We literally have NOTHING to do. We’re going on a trip tomorrow. I just don’t understand his need to say something in a sarcastic, kind of shaming way.

I struggle because I used to be so Type A. But I’m really not like that anymore. And I’m okay with that. But my husband clearly is not. And I’m just so over his obvious disapproval with the way I do things now. I hate it. I’m proud of myself for calming down and not having to be so busy for no reason all of the time. I like that I can relax and not feel the urge to do, do, do. But I feel so disapproved of by him. He sees me as being lazy. I disagree. I can be the most motivated person ever and out work anyone at any time including him. But I’m done being that way for no reason. I’m already worthy. I don’t need to hustle for my worthiness. And I believe that. Until I get his comments about how I’m being. I understand that we are just seeing things differently. He has a different belief. Something about proving your worth by doing a lot, all of the time, no matter what.

When he says something rude, my first reaction is to be rude back and not take it. My next reaction is to withdraw and not say anything, because I don’t want to react in anger.

I know he can believe what he wants, but I don’t like his behavior towards me. It doesn’t feel loving. I don’t know how to react out of love when I feel like I’m being treated disrespectfully.