Feeling Stifled in Friendship


Hi Brooke,
So recently I’ve made a ton of changes in my life and a lot of that has specifically to do with my outlook and how I’m approaching life. I used to be all over the place, my friends know me as the funny friend that was a bit frazzled and would make jokes all the time. Now I’m really taking my life a lot more seriously and I feel that I’ve really made so much progress. However, I still feel like I’m being held back by my friends. Some of my absolute best friends (from college) who I’m still close with, they still see me as that college girl that didn’t have her life together. Now, I want to be a lot more future thinking and I want to let that girl stay in the past, but my friends still treat me the exact same and make jokes about how I’ll never have my life together, even though I very much am extremely different. I’ve tried to respond to them (one friend in particular) differently, tried not to let it bother me, etc, but I just can’t seem to shake it. I do understand that others opinions of me are just opinions, and it really has nothing to do with me. I’ve also tried to change my thinking around it but I keep going back to feeling stifled by this friendship and almost like all the hard work I’ve put in to changing doesn’t matter or isn’t seen, and I feel resentment and frustration with this friend. I don’t want to end my friendship by any means but I just want to start speaking about my life differently to her. Do you have any advice on how to navigate this situation?
C: friend doesn’t see how much I’ve changed
T: I’m stifled by this friendship, I need friends who focus on the future and not the past
F: resentful, frustrated
A: get upset with friend and don’t voice it, it festers
R: feel more distant from this friend

C: friend doesn’t see how much I’ve changed
T: I don’t need my friend to see how much I’ve changed for it to be true
F: independent
A: continue to evolve regardless of friend
R: feel in control

I am trying to believe my second model and I do feel like it is separate, but I want to have friends that are on the same wavelength as me so it does feel like it matters to some degree the outlook of my closest friends in my life. How do I balance feeling as though I need the right friends around me in order to lift myself up, vs. the thought that it doesn’t matter what my friends think about me? Thank you!