I have been dating a man on and off for 1.5yrs, we are in love but he has from early on said he’s not mentally ready for monogamy yet, but he’s getting there… He wants that with me and is closer than he has ever been. But still not there yet. I have left 2 times because I want commitment but he pulls me back in & I go back in hopes he will now be ready & I feel like I have been in this waiting period. He shows up for me in other beautiful ways that I’ve never had before.
The reasons I want monogamy:
It is safe for my body
It brings a level of security for love to grow
I want to be with a person who wants to choose me
I don’t want to sleep with multiple people so I don’t want my partner to either
Do I want to be ok with the man I love sleeping with other women? NO
So I understand my unrest.
I have this thought that I will never find a love like this again and then I feel fear and react by clinging to him even though I’m not getting an important thing that I want. I’m currently in this place where I feel stuck because I want him and I want him to be ready for more but I also don’t want to change him or pressure him. He deserves whatever life he wants to be happy.
I know there is so much more to life than meeting someone and falling in love, there’s career and family, friendships and giving back. For some reason meeting someone to be with for the rest of my life it’s SOOOO important to me.
I would love to be able to not fight with reality and accept him and have him in my life, as is, as a special person, and move on to be open for something new or someone who is ready. Especially because I am tired of breaking up, grieving, then going back. It’s a pattern I refuse to continue and takes up sooo much of my mental capacity.
But I read articles where they say to leave and move on, cut contact, etc… Don’t wait around, don’t waste time, you can’t move on and have him in your life, etc. But some people in life feel bigger than those rules, so what do you do with that? Or is that also a thought in my mind?
Is my love for him and all I am making it mean to me just thoughts and not actually real? Can I just easily let him go and not feel all this?
