Feeling triggered around boundaries


I have set a clear boundary with my partner that if one or both of us is triggered, we take a time out and don’t communicate. This has been agreed by both of us, but when he is triggered, he continues to speak to or message me. I have restated my need: “When one or both of us is triggered we do not communicate, take time out and focus on calming ourselves down.” But this has not stopped this from reoccurring.

I’d like to apply the Self Coaching Scholars tools around this (i.e., model, manuals, beliefs, etc.), but I need some guidance!

I have a thought that he is disrespecting my boundaries; therefore, I must carry out the stated consequence (e.g., I leave or I switch off the phone). When I try to apply thoughts like “His actions are coming from his thoughts; they have nothing to do with me,” I am still left with the physical experience of someone saying hurtful things to me.

I’m new at all this and am a bit lost as to how to use these tools in this situation. I guess really I’m trying to change his behavior, but if I allow it to continue it feels as if I’m not taking care of myself. Help!