Feeling unconditional love toward someone who abused me


I saw Brooke’s workshop on how to enjoy being you. One of the things she talked about was loving yourself for who you are so you can take that power back from others, and also be able to take it to the next level and love those who hate you, giving you true power.

She said it in the context of the haters in the world, but it got me thinking about my past sexual abuse experience. My best friend’s dad sexually abused me for a year when I was 13, almost 20 years ago. I’ve reached a place where I’ve released myself from my self-judgment, forgave myself for what I did and didn’t do, and accepted that it was meant to happen because it did. I’ve also forgiven the abuser because I chose to, and forgiveness feels so much better than hate.

Brooke talks about how she chooses unconditional love over hate because love feels so much better. I agree with the concept, and it falls in line with my Christian beliefs. But although I’ve forgiven my abuser, when I think of him, I feel angry that he took advantage of my vulnerability and manipulated me. I sometimes think what I would do if I ever accidentally bumped into him (an extremely unlikely situation), and I always imagine I’d punch him in the face.

If I want to feel love toward him instead of anger, how can I do this? I think my anger was righteous and had its place in my life, but I feel like it’s served its purpose. I want to move on from it and feel love instead.