I need some advice on my model regarding my 13-year old stepson.
He’s going through a difficult period over the last 3 years. Various situations have taken place (and are still ongoing): running away, drug addiction, med’s addiction, leaving school without authorization, aggressive towards parents. His parents are trying to help him, but is difficult to find help. Because he does not want help (f.e. not showing up for meetings with psychologist). And also because his mom & dad (my husband) do not agree on how to help him.
I’m trying to support my husband in this situation, mainly by listening and offering him other ways of looking to situations. F.e. him acting as a victim does not serve him. I’m offering him the insights I’ve gained through SCS. Sometimes he understands, sometimes he does not understand and that is also OK for me (I’ve already done some work on that).
I’ve also offered help to my stepson. If he wants to talk to me or needs me, I’m there for him as well, but without forcing him. Untill now, he did not take this offer yet, and that’s OK.
Yet, a strong feeling of sadness overwhelms me because these situations have such a strong impact on my life and family (me, my husband, my 4-year old boy). I’ve done the following model on this:
Unintentional model
C: my stepson
T: he’s causing a lot of problems and issues in our lives
F: sad
A: I overthink the situations that happened over the years
R: I worry (and that’s not serving me or anyone else)
Intentional model
C: my stepson
T: the situations are what they were supposed to be
F: accepting
A: I show compassion for myself and my family
R: I live my life fully, knowing these situations are part of it, and that is OK

Are there other ways to look at this? How can I bridge the thought?

Thank you for reading!