Feelings about School

I am feeling some discomfort. I am a college student. I have a successful career and have been pursuing an online doctoral degree. I have thoughts about it that trigger sadness. I have a 69 average. I was feeling like a failure, not in life, just in this class. I like growth, but I keep thinking: “This is not fun.”

How do I decide what to do next? I want to earn the degree. However, I am not convinced that I want it enough to feel like this for another 2-5 years. I am also having thoughts that the degree is just for my ego and I want to add value to myself without the pain of writing papers and doing things I actually hate. I have never liked school but I love learning.

How do I know if I am experiencing apathy vs just believing that I do not like this and probably never will? I know intellectually that I am worthy but I really feel torn between stopping school and continuing because this process feels uncomfortable. I have a belief that I am adding value with my degree. I also have a belief that I am indisposable and it sets me apart from others in my field with this degree.

I think I may have just identified a painful belief in this last sentence. I have a thought that I must be “better” educated than most others I work with so that I am secure in my role. I really just want to create my own business with my current knowledge and life coach certification. I do not want to live in apathy but how do I get settled and gain clarity on what to think so I know what to do?