Feelings after back to school night


I’m a 47 year old mother of 3 (13,11,8). I have a MA degree, speak two languages and have lived abroad. I’ve been married for 17 years to a man 9 years older than I am. I have lived in a story for much of my adult life that I don’t know what career I want to do. I love studying, but could not pick one specific thing , and then I got married and had kids. And that has been my life. I have loved it. I consider it real work (despite the fact my 8 year old asked me today what I do all day when he is in school). Since I’ve been in scholars I have really gotten clear about my thoughts that my job the last 13 years has been mothering and homemaking – and that has been BY DESIGN, based on my past of absentee parents and lack of emotional support. My kids are well adjusted, do well in school, are exploring activities, friendships etc. that interest them. And I think they can do this because my husband works for our financial support and I am at home and available to them for emotional and academic support (not to mention rides!!). I think I need to work to support our financial life though. We are meeting with a financial planner to gather facts about this, but I’m pretty sure that I need to earn some money and have access to life insurance in next few years. So I’m trying to “figure” out what to do. And I feel like I’m that college grad who still can’t figure out what to do. I’m smart, I did very well in school, I can solve problems. I’ve been taking action each day researching jobs that interest me and in which I can contribute, but I feel like I have “act” to be accepted, almost like I’m a loser that I’ve been home raising my kids for 13 year. and now I have to act like something I’m not. I haven’t done much professional in 13 years and I feel like I’m flawed cause of it. I just came back from back to school night at my middle school children’s school, and I had these thoughts that my kids teachers are MY AGE and they all said they’d been teaching for more than 20 years. I’ve considered teaching, but no way am I able to go up against that. (thoughts all thoughts I know). So my question is what to do?? I will continue researching opportunities. But I feel like either I’m in la la land re. what possibilities I have (like being a teacher – that would take 15K, 18 months of school and then I’d be an almost 50 year old teacher up against recent grads) or seriously sell myself and my skills short. I’m finding it hard to create opportunities for myself. I want to make offers, contribute and eventually have a 25 hour a week job where I’m making great contributions. I just don’t know where to start. Thank you for your support!!