Hi coaches,

I am married and very thankful for my husband, whom I love very much.
Okay, it is not a “100% match”, but I am really fine with “80%”, and I really appreciate him and want to spend my life with him.

Even though I love my husband, I have to confess that I have developed feelings for another man. It is not the deep love that I share with my husband. It is rather a crush that I have for him.

As strange as it may sound, those feelings have nothing to do with my husband – I LOVE my husband, but I also have a CRUSH on the other guy. They are very different personalities after all.

I do not intend to do something about that, I do not want to have affair and I am not flirting with this other guy. I would never risk my marriage. And I do not want to hurt anybody´s feeling.

Still, I think about the other guy so much and I have such a longing for him and I miss him a lot.

I´ve heard what Brooke said about unconditional love and it consoled me that I can love whoever I want.

That means, I can have a crush on whomever I want- and as long as it does not harm my marriage, who cares?

My problem is, that sometimes I feel like going crazy with these “urges” for another person.

Sometimes I manage to channel my thoughts and feelings into my work and that distracts me for a while. But then all those feelings come back again and they are really strong.

I have also practiced just noticing my feelings and experiencing them (as if it was an urge for alcohol or food). That gave me a little relief in the short run, but in the long run, it even increased my feelings.

So my question is:

How can I love another person unconditionally without going crazy about the fact that spending time together is not an option?

I guess I am touching a taboo with these questions (having feelings for more than one man), and therefore it´s not easy for me to open up about these secret feelings and thoughts. So thank you so much for not judging me.